I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
