i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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