history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
