Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
