Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
