You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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