I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize