i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
