Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
