I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
