Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
