You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
