Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
