I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
