WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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