Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
