its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize