yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
