peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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