Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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