You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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