I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
