Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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