I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
