i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
