the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
