if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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