I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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