Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
