Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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