Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize