I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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