I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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