went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
