Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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