What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
