if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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