new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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