i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
