My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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