I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
