Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have post one night stand depression
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