I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
