i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
