Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
