Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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