just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
