the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize