Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
