i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
