can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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