Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Found your dick twin last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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