I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
