I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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