it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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