I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
