how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
