I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
