there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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