So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
