Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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