Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im holly from the hills drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
