Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
