So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
