I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
