Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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